Ten reasons not to bother with Valentine’s Day

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1. It’s a made-up holiday

Modern trappings of February 14th have absolutely nothing to do with an actual St Valentine. 90 seconds of internet research, which included a brief skim of Wikipedia and is therefore completely incontestable, revealed that of the possible St Valentine’s the day might relate to none of these seem to have anything to do with romantic love. There were three possible St Valentines and two of them were beheaded so if the Day was meant to commemorate one of the possible saints then a more fitting tribute to/emulation of these potential saints would be for followers to decapitate themselves.

2. It’s a money-making scheme

Once you realise that St Valentine’s Day is only a mass commercialisation of a misinterpreted Saint then you might want to rethink buying into this and giving your money to Clinton Cards. The CEO probably isn’t going to use all their Valentine’s Day profits to romantically shower the object of their affection in lovingly thought out gifts. They will probably pick a card and gifts from their company selection (which they will get at hefty discount) and they will laugh at us suckers making them rich from a holiday that doesn’t really exist.

3. It’s an attack on the singles

So even if Valentine’s Day is a made-up holiday designed to make card and cute-kitsch producers a lot of money but you think this all just seems like a bit of harmless fluff there are more obvious reasons to hate the holiday. Valentine’s Day makes single people feel inadequate by sending out the message that you ain’t nobody til somebody loves you. Which is bollocks.

4. It builds up false expectations

Even if you are single, hate Valentine’s Day and anticipate no Valentines you will nonetheless spend the entire day at the office eagerly looking up every time the door opens willing it to be a delivery of flowers for you. And when you get home you will eagerly rifle through the mail hoping that hidden amongst the bills and junk there will be a card from a secret admirer in there. Not receiving these things you weren’t really expecting will make you want to find someone called Valentine and behead them.

5. It sets up couples for failure

Valentine’s day makes happy couples feel inadequate and suggests that their love is insignificant unless proved on this one specific day of the year. It sets couples up for failure. However many red roses, foil heart-shaped balloons or boxes of chocolate you buy or are bought for you, you will both be forced to question whether the amount you love and are loved by your significant other has been accurately reflected in the value of the gifts given.

6. It falsely prolongs doomed relationships

Valentine’s day makes unhappy couples think that so long as they show each other affection and a suitable tally of tacky bears holding I love you hearts once a year this is enough to compensate for the other 364 days of the year (365 in a leap year) where they make each other miserable. In this instance the cursed day is simply prolonging the agony of unsuitably matched persons.

7. It’s kind of creepy

If someone you don’t know sends you a card covered in blood red hearts and writes something along the lines of ‘I’ve been secretly admiring you from afar for many months’, that’s actually really creepy. Who the chuff is sending you that? Are they ‘secretly admiring’ you right now? Isn’t that harassment or stalking or both?

8. V-Day/Schmee-Day

Valentine’s Day gets abbreviated to V-Day. This sounds like a sexually transmitted disease as in, whilst gossiping around the office water cooler, ‘Did you hear about X, she’s come down with a nasty case of V-Day’. This sounds even worse if said in bad French accent.

9. It will ruin your dinner out

If you go out for dinner on Valentine’s Day you will be forced to pay more for a limited set menu whilst being bombarded with trite songs about love by bands you hate. This will be universally applied to everyone whether they are in love or not.

10. You can’t win

Even if your partner is a staunch hater of Valentine’s Day and makes this widely known, by, for example, sharing this on their blog for the world to see, they will still be filled with irrational rage if they are not showered with the cards, tacky gifts and chocolates they don’t really want.

 

If you aren’t convinced by my ten reasons or worse were convinced to boycott the day only to find your significant others looking daggers at your for apparent lack of romance and you need some last minute/improvised gifts then check out Opinionated Man’s great ideas ‘For Men Only – Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas’.