1. In company you will carefully scrape off the yoghurt stuck to the lid with a spoon, at home you’ll just lick it off.
2. You tell people you joined a martial arts class because you like to try interesting things and wanted to meet new people, but really you just like having an excuse to hit other people without getting in trouble.
3. You pretend you watch Eurovision because you are an ironic spectator of a regional mass-entertainment event, actually you just love the cheesy tunes, over the top outfits and ridiculous antics of the competitors.
4. You get ridiculously excited about free stuff, you have no qualms about accepting giveaways, you gleefully take free pencils and paper rulers from IKEA and you shamelessly eat other people’s leftovers (when offered to you, you wouldn’t go as far as steal people’s lunches from the fridge or raid their trash or anything).
5. When someone takes two of the four sandwich squares you’d carefully saved for lunch, from an event you worked at until 9pm the day before, and you then discover that of the two remaining sandwiches one has a big dead fly in it, rather than expressing disgust at the dead insect and throwing the offending article away, you express disgust and then quietly flick the fly away, along with the piece of aubergine it had met its demise on, and then continue to eat both sandwiches. You may tell yourself you’d have been pickier if your lunch hadn’t already been halved for you by some unscrupulous sandwich thief, but you doubt it.
6. You would never dream of leaving your apartment in jogging bottoms (unless actually exercising) but would happily spend an entire day inside the flat in the same pyjamas you sleep in.
7. You really can’t tell the difference between Champagne, Prosecco, Cava or any other variety of sparling wine. If it’s alcoholic with bubbles, then you are happily going to drink it.
8. You can only tell the difference between a fake and a genuine Louis Vuitton bag by location. You assume if someone is sporting an LV bag in Geneva it’s genuine, in Greenwich it’s fake.
9. You would never dream of expressing obscenities directed at a stranger in face to face scenarios, but from the safety of a car (or a bike helmet with visor), when no one can hear to judge, you will unfailingly shout all sorts of rude words at the twat who just cut you up.
10. You wouldn’t belch or bottom-parp in a meeting but yet have no trepidations in letting rip in front of your fiancé or friends and then giggling like a child afterwards whilst trying to blame the outburst on the cat.
I agreed with most of these EXCEPT #5. If an insect has touched anything, I throw away the entire plate. I’ll go buy a new lunch of need be.
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I was very hungry! Although after that I dix think everything I might be eating could have fly in it
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Hahaha #9–yes!
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Love it! Yes, I’m guilty of some of these 🙂 Actually, I’ve become less civilized around people I see daily. I will lick the yogurt from the lid with (almost) no shame and would admit to taking martial arts just to punch people and not get in trouble. Great post! 😀
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I’m with you on licking the yogurt lit. Everybody does it at home so why pretend?
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It makes me feel sad in situations where I can’t lick the lid. Spoon option lacks all satisfaction!
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My thoughts exactly! Why pretend and why waste food?!
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Thanks! I do always feel a little sad when I’m in a situation where I can’t lick the yoghurt lid, the spoon option lacks all satisfaction!
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haha I just go for it now! Figure, people can stare all they want. I probably won’t see them again any way and, if I do, who cares? It’s my yogurt.
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I’m going to adopt your attitude and stop worrying about it from now on 🙂
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Do! It’s surprisingly liberating 🙂
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After only a moment’s hesitation I licked my lid with impunity in the office today 🙂
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I just fist bumped and shed a tear of joy for you! 😀
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Well, I wouldn’t eat someone’s leftovers or flick a fly away from a sandwich before eating it but the rest?…..:)
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It is possible I have a slight problem when it comes to food…
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I lick the lid of the yoghurt at work! I have no shame in front of my colleagues. And I watch eurovision because I love Graham Norton. Oh, and we have so many Ikea pencils I could practically build a fence out of them!
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So funny and so true too! Especially about the road rage shouting from the safety of the car!
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It’s so much easier to curse in a safe space where people can’t hear you 🙂
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Absolutely! 🙂
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#6 GUILTY!
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Glad I’m not the only one!
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Dead flies, schemd flies! It’s protein! …..hmmm, maybe I have the same food issues ….wait a minute, did I pass them on?!…!
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I definitely blame the mother!
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Civilization is an illusion, a veneer that is easily broken when put under pressure. Sad, but true. This was very funny.
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I like how you put that
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Love #6 I would just eat the fly…more protien
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Ha ha, that’s what my mum said!
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OMG yes to number 6. In fact, yes to all of them.
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Ha ha, I think there’s quite a few who’d admit to that one
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After reading this it is vlear to me I have no shame!!!
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That’s probably why we’re friends
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