1. No more clothing dilemmas

You will never need to worry about what to wear ever again. From now on, everything will be covered in a furry sheen of cat hair so everything will match!

2. Easily co-ordinate with others

You will also be able to coordinate with your friends, family, co-workers and fellow commuters, everyone you come into contact with will also sport the Jasper Spring/Summer/Autumn and Winter look for every year, whether they want to or not.

3. Convenient excuses

You can use them as an excuse to get out of things you don’t want to as in ‘I’d love to come to the International Paint-Drying festival’ but I have to get home and feed the cat. However, if you do want to go to the International Paint-Drying Festival you can just give them extra biscuits in the morning and they’ll be alright if don’t get fed again until the next day.

4. Affection

Cats are very affectionate and love to jump on your lap for cuddles and head scritches. Often whilst you are in the middle of something else like sewing, reading a book or trying to work from home. Probably not recommended to have them loose in the car when driving.

5. Cats like to share

Sometimes, in the middle of head-scritching session, Jasper likes to violently fling his head about from side to side and cover you and your nearby possessions in cat snot. Sharing is caring. He must care a lot.

6. Presents

Cat’s bring you presents and not just some ball or stick you throw away but things they have lovingly prepared themselves. That dead bird was carefully stalked, brutally murdered and covered in the perfect amount of cat saliva before being deposited somewhere fun for you to find.

7. They keep you healthy

Cats love playing chase the scrunched up train ticket from one end of the flat to the other. Because they are concerned about your health they won’t bring back the train ticket but will expect you to constantly walk from one end of the flat to the other to continue the game for as long as they determine you need to exercise. If they think you are eating inappropriate things, they will lick that butter, eat those chocolates and chew up those peanuts to save you from yourself.

8. Musical enrichment

Not only do they have wonderful singing voices but they like to improvise musical instruments with ordinary household items. Like banging on the cupboard door, or playing the blinds in your room like a Xylophone. They are often at their most creative at 3am in the morning and will gladly wake you up to share this with you.

9. R.E.S.P.E.C.T that is what you mean to me (says the cat in his own way)

Cats show you respect by saluting you each day. They like to do this, coincidentally around their breakfast time, by gently nudging you awake, flicking their tales in your face and then doing a bottom salute at eyes and nose level.

10. No need for an alarm clock

With a cat you’ll have no need to own an alarm clock, they will be sure to wake you for work each day by scratching at your arm, meowing in your ears or scratching the walls until you are ready to rise and start the day. If they think you might need extra time to get ready in the morning, they can provide an extra early morning wake-up call at 4am.